February is now my least favorite. Oh wait, it always was.

February is such a bullshit month. It's lazy and it's short, it just doesn't fit in with the rest of the year. It snows more in February than any other month, at least in Pennsylvania, at least that's what Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz says. The only thing it has to offer is this Valentine's Day bullshit, which I've always thought was a total crock.

I was hoping to have this costume party on V-Day, as sort of a 'Hey, fuck you!' to the half-assed holiday, but all of my not-single friends will be otherwise engaged in activities with their significant others, and all of my single friends will more likely than not be out trolling for other vulnerable singles) and who can blame them... it's typically a night of easy pickin's... So, Denise and I are shooting for the 19th or 20th. It'll be a good time no matter what the date, as long as we can find a place to hold this event. Hopefully by then I'll be done being a miserable bitch.

Which brings me to why I now hate February more than I ever have before. On the 10th of February it will be one year since my baby brother, Dean, passed away. I still haven't really processed it. I spend most of my time pretending really hard that it didn't happen, and convincing myself that every day of the past year has just been a bad dream that I will wake up from. I have little-to-no motivation to do anything more than just that pretending and convincing. I used to want to do things with my life, now I just want my brother to answer his phone, or be in the car with Logan when he pulls into the driveway. I realize that it's time to get past this denial state, but it's working for me, so I'm going to stick with it.

It is going to snow again tonight. Fuck snow. I need Spring, well, Summer really would be the better option, but I'll take some Spring until Summer rolls around. I'm tired of being cold. I'm cranky enough without all the joint pain that comes with all of this cold and wet weather. I never thought that at 24 I'd have all of these old lady joint and muscle problems.

To Whomever Is In Charge: Can I please rewind to before August 2008. Maybe like the last days of July. I want to go to after I got rid of that fucking Saturn SUC (SUV), but to before the accident that turned out to be the beginning of the end. Please? Thanks.

Now I lost my train of thought, if I ever even had one. It's so bed time.